Hello and welcome to the mindful. Kind podcast, I'm your hair straight to Cable. Both of the mindful kind book, mindfulness, teacher, and blogger. Rachel cabl.com 828, this podcast will bring meaningful tips, tools and strategies. So you can manage stress and leave mole mindfully in the modern world.
Hello and welcome to episode 281 off the mindful. Kind podcast, I have a few quick questions for you. Do you ever feel exhausted and tympole? Because you spend so much time helping other people fix their problems, do you love being a helping person? But sometimes that means you sacrifice your own well-being. Has anyone ever become annoyed with you because you tried to help a little bit too much. If you answered, yes, to any of those questions than this episode is for you. And also, I'm over here raising my hand because I answered yes, to all three of those questions. I don't know if he's heard of the Enneagram test. Basically it's a personality test that describes how people interpret the world that behavioral Tendencies ends their motivations. They are a couple of free Enneagram test. You can complete online if you want to and I'll put a link in the shower now so you can go and check out the one that I used. So it went
Took the test a few years ago, my results indicated that I'm a type 2. Also known as the helper. Now, at first, I was like a perfect Yelp, I love helping people, I'm good at helping. I enjoy being in a helping profession. I care deeply about my relationships and then as I read a bit more the potential downsides of being a helper where revealed and I cringed a little bit because some of it was true for me. I hope I can develop a sense of entitlement because they feel like other people are them because they were helping so much, they can become demanding obici, even manipulative and they think that's okay because they have good intentions and they just want to help they forget to take care of it or needs, which can lead to burnout, emotional, exhaustion and resentment. And I think this is going to show her that being a helping caring person can potentially create some problems. Sometimes,
Maybe you have the type to personality type like me or maybe you're just too generally helpful caring person and you love to support other people and help them fix their problems. But they may come a time when you need to take a step back and say, you know, I think I need to stop fixing other people's problems so much. And sorry, in this episode, I'll be sharing a few tips that have been helpful for me, and stepping back and stuffing myself from interfering in other people's problems too much. And I hope that you'll find these tips useful to
Semi festive is dis ask other people how they would like to deal with challenging situations. This is actually something I learned about when I was studying coaching and counseling when you're working with a client is often best to avoid jumping in and trying to solve their problems or challenges full them. And they are a few very good reasons why Festival when you try to take someone else's problem for them, it can make them feel disempowered. It's like you're saying you don't know how to fix this. You don't have the skills. All the knowledge. Don't you worry, I will take over from here and another reason why it's better not to try to fix someone else's problem is because if things don't go my account, guess who, that person is going to blame you. Because you took control, you might have also taken some responsibility or the outcome and if the outcome doesn't turn out to be good, then I'm sorry to say this but it might actually be partly your fault.
I don't say that to be mean or to make you feel guilty because I know you probably have the very best intentions but sometimes that's just the truth for example. But let's pretend my friend tells me, she's had a big argument with her boyfriend and I jumped in and say well he's at your heck, you shouldn't put up with that just break up with him. So she cries and breaks out with him. And a few weeks later, she starts thinking she made a mistake suddenly she thinks. Well right, she told me to end things. It's all her fault that I'm alone now and I'm feeling sad. Can you say how dumb pinion to give my advice and try to fix my friends problem our system powered by taking away her decision and kind of made me partly responsible for the outcome. Now the good news is a simple way to approach this much better when someone comes to you with a problem resist, the urge to jump in with your advice and solutions Instead try this approach.
Step one, ask them how they want to deal with a problem step to listen to their ideas and try not to interrupt them step 3 ask open-ended question, like what other ideas do you have to deal with face or tell me more about the problem? Or what do you think might happen? Next, give them time to explore different options and identify the orange solution that might feel better for them.
And step for let them know you're there to support them and that they can talk to you again if they want to. If you cannot do this skill, believe me, you'll be helping in a much better way than if you just jumped in and tried to fix that problem for them, I can take it to about how to stop fixing other people's problems is to focus on your RN feelings and challenges. I don't know about you, but sometimes I have a tendency to guard into helping married when I'm feeling stuck or lost or overwhelmed myself. My arm problems can feel so much. Hot is a fixing other people's. So I have my own stuff and I fixate on helping others.
One of the problems we face is that means I neglect dealing with my own problems properly. And I'm not helping someone because I really want to or even because they actually need my help, I'm just using it as an avoidance mechanism. How does one switch gears from focusing on other people's problems to dealing with that art? That's a great question and it's not an easy one to answer because different things for different people. For me, personally, I just do my best to recognize that. I'm avoiding my own problems. I'll try to take some time to reflect on my feelings, through meditation or journaling. I might ask for support from someone. I trust, I'll start developing an action plan and then I'll start actively trying to deal with my arm problem. I think just stopping and saying I think I need to focus on myself more than others right now can be a really good stop. The third tape for learning how to start fixing. Other people's problems is accepting that mistake.
It's in pain and Sally off and Todd lessons are part of life for everybody. You can't protect everyone. And actually, in many cases, you probably shouldn't. There's a great saying, I believe it was Sophia. Loren who said it mistakes. A pot of the Jews. One pays for a full life, mistakes. A pot of the Jews. One pays for a full life.
If you don't let other people make their own mistakes and learn from them in their own ways, you might actually be hindering their opportunities. Truly acephalous lives. Sometimes, mistakes and failures, can help us get to where we want to go and become who we want to be.
So it's almost like we need to change a perceptions to Ward's, mistakes and failures, and instead of seeing them as bad or wrong, we can see them as new Pathways. That potentially lead us in the right direction and maybe the best thing you can do, sometimes it simply be there. Just for support, while someone else makes a mistake and learns from it. Now, there are some cases. So you might need to help what you might need to be an active part of the solution. Sometimes, the tricky thing can be figuring out how much of a role you need to take on. When you are helping someone and you always get it right? But hey, that's the mistakes. Maybe you can learn from to be, can start to figure out how much you can help. And when to step back,
So there's my three tips to help you. Stop texting other people's problems too much. Ask them how they want to handle challenging situations. Spend more time focusing on your urn problems and challenges and accept that mistakes and family as a part of life. And sometimes it's better to be the person who helps them heal when they full rather than stopping them from trying to fly in the first place. I really hope you enjoy this episode about how to spell fixing other people's problems so much. Now if you're on your listening to this podcast Festival, welcome I'm so excited that you are second to be sure, to subscribe to the mindful kind podcast, so you won't miss any new episodes. I've got some great episodes coming up soon about how to move on from this takes and how to slow down and appreciate life more, and I really wouldn't want you to miss out. I lost a whole if you haven't left a review for the mindful kind yet, I'd be so grateful. If you could take a minute to do that over the years.
The lovely reviews from my listeners of really inspired me to keep bringing out new episodes, H wake and refused. Also help new listeners find this podcast so they can become part of a mindful. Kind to. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week mindful kind