Letting Go of Control and Finding True Dependence

Welcome to the live in your best single life podcast. My name is Casey. My name is McKeeve and this is where we're finding

contentment, navigating, dating, and learning to thrive in our singleness. On this episode we're talking about the topic of

a control. Let's get into it, you. Hey, hey girl. Hey. How's your day been? My day's been good.

I'm trying to remember what I did. I feel like it's been a bull or thursdays or a belir. Let me tell you.

How is yours? It was good. It was good as well. My day was filled with meetings and I actually like it that way when I have a

schedule that's a bit more filled. So yeah, it turned out well. But I'm even more excited for work in that

talk about it. Control. Control. Does anyone else struggle with this? Because I sure do. Do I.

So I have a funny story this happened to me. It happened. I made it happen to myself. I should say

probably eight years ago. I decided that my wedding day was going to be July 7th, 2017. So what?

Okay, wait. So how did you get on this date? You got it. Okay, so clearly sevens are the

Lord's number. The number of completeness. So I thought what could go wrong. And so I then proceeded to put

this date in every single one of my friends calendars saying Casey's wedding. It's coming. Get ready.

Prophecy. No problem. Amen. And so I, yeah, I did that. The the day came upon me. And I found myself alone.

In my bed, journaling, writing that, well, today's July 7th, 2017. It was my wedding day. It is not anymore.

Wow. Okay, so I'm curious how long before like you wrote it down, right? I did. And you told all your friends.

But this was for 2017. So what year was that? I was probably when I was in college. So that was

I finished college in 2014. I think it was around the end of college. Because I went into

college thinking, oh, I'm going to a private Christian school. I will surely leave here with a man.

And low and behold, did not. Every single one of my friends did. Classic. So that was a nice slap in the face.

But so then I was like, you know what, I'm just going to write this down. I'm going to

take this into my own hands and surely the Lord will bless it because it is his number of completeness.

It is, and I literally calculated, okay, that gives me one year to date someone, one year to be engaged.

Like, I planted all out. And that was the date that it fell on. It was a Friday night. It was going to be great.

And then in my journal, I read this a couple of years ago. I wrote down,

well, today's July 7th, 2017. And I am not getting married.

And it's so sad that I thought that that was going to happen. But did not clearly.

Yeah. But what can you do? You know, I tried to control it. Didn't work at all.

So you had a whole timeline. And like, what, what did you experience? So on that day, when you wrote in

your journal. So it's July 7th, 2017. And I am not married. Like, whole things I came up with.

Honestly, it was like more funny to me writing it because it was sort of a joke. But also this,

I did have a hope within me that it would actually happen for sure. So I did experience some

sadness. Now looking back on it, I can laugh because silly me trying to just like take matters into my

own hands and just declare when I was getting married before I was even even dating someone. I

don't think I'd even dated anyone at that point. And so yeah, I experienced for sure some sadness

as that date came and went. I, yeah, I thought, oh, maybe my friends would be around me throw me a

little bachelor apartment or something. I didn't have them, but I can't expect that, but yeah,

it was hard for sure. Yeah, no, I get it because like, as you're saying that I'm thinking of times

where, you know, if I went out to an event with a couple of friends or I'm joining a new group and

I'm thinking, I wonder if, since it's co ed, I wonder who I might meet tonight. You know what I mean?

It's possible. Yeah. And every time, no, I don't meet anyone. No, I know. And then the expectation of,

okay, so now this is another event, maybe I might need someone. Yeah, and not meeting that person.

And I think that this is so important to talk about because oftentimes with those expectations

and kind of wanting to have some control over how things pan out, there's this disappointment

that sets in. Yeah, right? Like when it doesn't happen in the way you thought it would. And it's like,

whoa, I'm feeling a little disappointed about that for sure. I'm feeling a little off about that.

So yeah, that's been real. Yeah, I think with that like we can go into the mode of, okay,

this desire that I had or yeah, with this meeting, it didn't come to fruition. So I'm not going

to go to these events anymore. Like I can't control it anyway or I'm not going to plan my wedding

day because it's not going to happen anyway. We can get super bitter and kind of just settle into

that disappointment and just decide I'm just going to be idle and the floor wants me to date

someone or get married, then they can just come knocking on my door. Have you ever experienced that?

Someone knocking on my door? Nope. Yeah, I would love to hear it if you have experience that.

Okay, like the FedEx guy. I'm sure there's stories. The most me. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, so about four years ago or so. Yeah, I just went through a season of feeling unseen

and to be more specific unseen by men and general. So I feel like most females are not all

experiences thing of like you go out. Someone will look your way or acknowledge you or smile at

you and whatnot and you have the opportunity to engage or not, right? But I felt like for a year

to none of that happen. And I was like, barred. This is this is different, right? Like I just feel

like I'm completely covered no type of engagement. Yeah. And I feel like in that season, I almost

took it as, okay, well, it's not happening. It's not going to happen. So I didn't engage at all.

Yeah. So I wasn't really meeting guys. I wasn't online dating or anything. And it kind of

brought me to this place of, well, this probably isn't for me. I'm probably not going to be able

to date anyone. Maybe marriages it for me. I don't know. It just feels so far off. Yeah. So it was almost

like when disappointed. Hope is deferred in the sense of like hope dwindles down a bit because you're

not seeing the evidence. You're not able to experience those interactions. And that's what usually

leads, right? Like engaging in interactions is usually what leads to dating. And then whatever else

comes after that, maybe marriage, maybe not. But it's like, yeah, like that lack of experiencing

that type of connection was where I felt myself in a place in space of, while I'm not sure

I can really hope in this thing. So yeah. Yeah. It sounds like like the situation felt

like it was uncontrolled. Like there wasn't anything you could do. So you took that position of like,

well, then if that's the case, then I'm not going to do anything. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I had a

season where my life up until this point was very like up into the right, very steady, you know.

And I had, I felt like my life was good. And then in 2019, I, I just felt like my life

just started spiraling out of control. It first started with my health. Like I just experienced

these random symptoms that came out of nowhere. And I didn't know why. So I, of course, you

go to like the scariest conclusions. And then in the midst of that, I was dating this guy. And it

was going great. And then like, I think we broke up nine months into it. And it wasn't like,

it was a fine breakup. But the months like prior to breaking up, we're just like really, really tough.

And in the midst of that, my dog, who, if you don't know me, my dogs are my best friends,

my dog cast away, like unexpectedly. And so I'm dealing with like unknowns in my health,

breaking up literally for the first time with someone because I'd never dated anyone before that.

And then in the midst of that, my best friend, my dog, best friend died. And it was so hard.

And I just felt like literally everything is out of my control. I can't fix any of this. And of

course, like I tried, I figured out what medically was going on with me. I'm fine, by the way. Thank

you, Jesus. It's still praying for healing. But I figured out how to deal with that. And so like,

I learned through that process, even though things feel like they're out of our control,

we still have a part to play in this, you know, like this out of control, this that we experience,

we still can play a part. We're not just supposed to sit idly on the side and waiting for God to just

fix everything, you know? Yeah, that's so good. And as you said, that I was just thinking of the

verse that says, be still in no, that I am God. And it, it, it can be difficult getting to that

pleasure, especially in the midst of it when it feels so chaotic and it feels so deep. And it's a

devastation. It's a lack of hope and all of that. But just being reminded again that we're not

in and alone. Thank you for sharing that. Of course. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot to go through.

Yeah, it wants a lot of loss. Totally. A lot of loss. Yeah. And honestly, like looking back on it,

even though, obviously, you look back on things that are hard in your life. These things that

felt out of your control. And it's like, man, that would have been nice if that didn't happen.

Yeah. But the process that the Lord brought me through it, I learned a depends on him that I had

never experienced before in my life. Because I really felt like I couldn't depend on anything

out. All of these things were falling apart in front of me. And so I had to learn this dependence

on him or else I would have fallen apart with them. You know? Yeah. What, what did that

dependence look like for you? Yeah. It was a lot of worship sessions in my room, crying. Just asking

for healing. It was processing through this breakup that I had with Jesus with people that I

trusted. Yeah. It was like grieving over my dog. And that took, I still sometimes looking

pictures of him and just start crying. It makes me so sad. But I can look back to and I have a new dog

now and not that dogs are ever replaced. I'm not trying to say that, but the dog that I have now

I love so so deeply and I'm so grateful for him. And now in new situations that I know I'll face

in the future, I know that this dependence, this anchor for my soul, I can just tap back into

in a sense like I can, I know where to go. I know what to do. I know how to access that. And it

really all is just like this dependence on him, giving him these desires, giving him this control

that I've tried to grasp so deeply. And it really is just like whether it's like a prayer of like

physical release like God, I give this situation to you or whatever it may look like like

processing through with a friend and praying together, you know, like there's so many different

ways that we can interact with the Lord and show dependence on him. Yeah, that those are such beautiful

descriptions and practical ways to depend because oftentimes like we can say, yeah, like I'm just

lying ahead of depend on the Lord and I can imagine folks are like, okay, so what does that look like?

Sure. Yeah, so that's that's really really good and even for me in times of

even recently, so like public speaking, I'm just gonna randomly bring this out because it's more

recent for me is like I literally have to lean on God in a way that I don't always do day to day.

Yeah, for that because I know that if I'm solely depending on myself, I don't have it. Like I need

him to strengthen me up. I need like good friends who see that thing in me and they're like,

girl, you can do this. Like it's not gonna take you over. It's not gonna run you down. Like you

will not be defeated by this. Like you can definitely do it. You have everything that you need girl

to get it done type of thing. So yeah, I hear you on that. Yeah, what you're saying

reminds me of the verse in Psalm 1 3 that says, this person is like a tree planted by

streams of water, which yields fruit in its season and whose leaf does not with or whatever they

do prosperous. And I just love that imagery because it's twofold of dependence on Jesus, but also

this tree is not well physically it is staying idle because trees don't move. It besides swaying,

but it's deepening its roots to get to that stream. And so that's where it's like we have this

responsibility to depend on God, but it's also in order to not try and control our lives.

But we also are not called to just stand idle and do nothing and just wait for God to bring it all

together, you know? Yeah. But we're called to do specific things. Like if you feel like you're supposed

to be dating, get on a dating app, we can enter into those things with a purpose not just watching

by the wayside, you know? Yeah, your things are something really powerful or I'm like actively

engaging with the things that you know you want to do, like you desire to do. So if you're someone

who desires marriage, it makes sense to date, right? And not everybody wants to date on dating

apps and whatnot, but there are other options, right? Yeah. Let your married friends know

that you're that you're open to relating people, right? Like that they can keep their eyes out

or go to different spots, like get to know like the cultural hop and spots in your area,

right? Like whether it's different restaurants or it's cafes, whatever it may be, go out and just be

open and see what happens totally. Yeah. So going back to what you had said before of that season

where you felt invisible, like I am just curious as we're talking about this now, how what are

your thoughts on that? Like you put yourself out there and you still felt that way. Yeah. So

looking back on it, now that I have a better perspective on what that season was, it actually

served a really good purpose. So coming into the knowing of like, God had me in that space and

in that season for a reason. And it was really so that I would focus in on my intimacy with him.

So that time was really about me healing, me growing in my faith, me growing spiritually. And

it really wasn't about dating or being seen by anybody else because I was being seen by him.

And I believe that he wanted me to have that assurance in that. So even if

then it felt like, oh gosh, like no one's seeing me or not being acknowledged in this season.

And it felt disappointing. Now that I'm looking back at it, it had a purpose. And it was part of

my journey for a reason because that's truly what I needed in that season. So it could sound

confusing, right? As we're saying, hey, like, put yourself out there. Go out, be open, but just know

that either way you get to engage. And if God has you in a season of seclusion, he will reveal that

to you. Right? Like, you will know it. And there's a purpose for that season of seclusion. But a lot of

times is not a season of seclusion. It's like you get to go out. You're honoring, like,

make sure you're honoring the Lord and everything that you're doing and make sure you keep

good community around you so that you're held accountable. But you get to go out. You get to have fun

and you get to explore with your friends and present yourself. Yeah. Right. Amen. Amen. Right?

Yeah, that's so, so good. Yeah. It sounds like in that season you really did enter into a

deeper level of dependence on him. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's so good. So let's pray about this and

just, yeah, releasing this control that we try and hold on to. So I'm just going to open us

in a word of prayer for you, listener. So just receive this right now. So God, I just thank you,

Lord, that we can release our control to you, Father. We can release it with open hands because

you know what you're doing, Lord. God, we can depend on you. You are the faithful one.

And so, Lord, we just ask that we would just be able to lean on you in greater ways, even today,

even in the coming moments, God. Over these things that we're trying to control over these

expectations that we have over our future, Lord, we just release them to you right now, Father.

And we say, have your way, God, let your will be done, Father. I thank you, Lord, for this listener.

I pray that you would just bless their day in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Yes, thank you guys for

checking out the podcast. Make sure to follow us and leave us a review and also check us out on Instagram

at L.Y.B. Single Life Podcast. We'll see you next time. Next time you out.