we found some deep personal questions and ended up going on a tangent.
© Unique & Janaya 2021
deep questions part 1
Okay, we're going to pick out five questions ago and deathless website that I found don't really know what else to say about it. Really morning, things crackhead things. Anyway. All right, first you question. Are you ready?
How is your relationship with your parents?
All right. I feel like it depends on the parent because I feel like ours are flip flops. You like have a really good at relationship with Mom, and I have a decent relationship with Dad that it's functioning. It's not perfect. But if we were raised on opposite ends, so we were raised that was closer to Mom, you know, because she was, and Mom is in my stepmom. Mom Nest when I refer to her as Mom. But I was always just naturally close to her just because I lacked that mother figure, and she is with her. I had a good relationship.
Wake me up with Dad and Eleanor because I was so close to mention security for Mom. Eleanor said she wanted to be there for me, but just wasn't able to.
With Dad, it's always been hard to be close to him. Just because he's not really, you know, like we talked about earlier and emotional person. He's not the one that just comes from his life. You know what I mean? Growing up the way he did, and those were his life choices. It just sucks that we have to pay the consequences for their, you know, what I was going to say, like, I feel like that's kind of unfair to us for what happened to him. Growing up bright and I'm not like, like it does suck because it's like at one point. Do you kind of let that rest and become your own person for your children? Exactly? Yeah. I think what I've always struggled with his with him is because I'm so argumentative and stubborn and so, is he, you know what? I mean? We're essentially him.
But it just made it causes issues because I still think he sees us as kids not as adults, getting ready to accept the reality that we really don't need him. Any longer that we don't need to depend on him. Yeah, we don't depend on musically and Eleanor. I feel like the only reason it's hard for me to have a functioning relationship with her is because I in some sense feel like it's not true. I guess deep down but this is just like my rationality where it's like, I feel like I'm betraying mom, you know what I mean? Like, what do I look like, allowing her back in my life and, you know, kind of really having like a deep relationship with Mom and Dad says, is kind of like this was going to be out of place for me to say but
Do you think that like knowing her and hearing about her and like not knowing her for a long. Of time? But knowing like, who she was as a person overall. She was very big on. My family is family guy. So I understand. You're like, you kind of like I'm betraying her if I, like let Eleanor back in my life. But but, you know, it would never it wouldn't be like that. You know, they mean by it'll be in a relationship.
Wow, like I'm kind of scared, like I'm stepping on people's toes in the situation because at the end of the day, Mama Nest, would have wanted you to at least have some kind of like relationship with her. And and I'm not saying this like in any kind of way like that, but certain things happen. So that other things can happen, mom, and dad passing away. You never wanted or were even interested in having a relationship with Mom Eleanor. And then when mom and dad passed away, I do think that you turn to Mom Eleanor recently at one point in time because you do you miss that, like mother figure and you realize the only way you're going to get it now is if you reach out to her damn, you hit me hard right though. I think that's what it was and I'm not blaming you. You know what I mean? Like, because you do need somebody you don't. I mean you do need a mother figure in your life and and like in the sense with ants Ryan. What I mean.
So close to you. You guys were so close together because although yes, you're his sister on some non, Alabama, Betty Crocker type ish, right it? Right? Because you were there you played the role of a mother but you were his sister, you know what I mean? So when you left, he was kind of like like reaching back for you. I mean, like that's why he was like, no, you're not going to come home. Like we want you to come home, you know, so it's kind of like a chain reaction.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean and that's all it was cause and effect. You know what I mean? Like it's a domino effect and in some sense to it. I guess it's the same thing. But
I think also the reason why my relationship with Eleanor so strenuous is because I know
that I will never allow myself to be happy.
Because I feel like I don't deserve it. And I know that part of me being happy is rekindling that relationship with Ellen. Like why don't you think you deserve to be happy? I feel like
It's always, I've always villainize myself in my own eyes. Like, I've always made myself out to be the bad guy like in life, whenever you do you. And I used to argue or jewels that I used are your dad. And I used to argue. I would always tell myself like, it's because I'm the bad guy. This is all my fault. And, and I think that also stems from like childhood. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. When you're a kid, you always get told, like take accountability, hold yourself responsible. You need to be considerate of other people's feelings. And when you're always being told that your mind starts to like, always make everything bad, your faults, you know what I mean? And I seen that also stems from, like, Eleanor's, well, like a comforting feeling because you were so used to being told, like, this is your fault? Exactly.
So it's kind of made. Yeah, I made myself like to be a bad guy in my own life that it's like, you know, you don't root for the bad guy in the movie. If you want them to go down. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like you want them to suffer because they did bad thing. And I mean, I don't know, personally, if I've ever done something that bad. You know what I mean? I know I probably have that's another story for another day, but they, so I think that's you getting in your head and I'm blowing it out of the shower. I have, that's not right there. I mean, a person with Jen reality. You don't give yourself the credit because you've done a lot more than you think and positive.
I'm just I know it makes you uncomfortable. I'm just saying like you don't give yourself the credit. You know what I mean? You're just like me, but I couldn't like we were talking about earlier. I could have done this better when you were talking about like, at work or what I could have done this, but I did it. So now I'm going to sit here and think about why I didn't do that and beat myself up about it. And like you said, it's like the way that you were raised in your environment and stuff like that, like me, you know what I mean? Like, I just said, like, you just don't give yourself the credit for it and, and it doesn't have to be like that. Like, that was funny though. You, you just did it to yourself. And, you know what? I think a lot of it comes from two is like, when I do realize myself in front of other people, not a lot of people disagree mean they're kind of like, yeah, you're like, you're like either they think in their head, like,
Or they agree, but they don't verbally say anything. So, in my head I'm automatically like, well, obviously, they're not saying anything or is it, then it has to be true. And that in itself, also confirmed and further fasters that belief of like the bill in, in, in, in the story. Because there is always that, you know, I don't know if you've seen the Facebook post, where it's like, you don't get to tell people that you're not, the bad guy in their story. So, it's like, I don't assume that like, like, this is so corny. I'm sorry. Like, Hannah Baker. They're sitting here thinking that nothing they did was wrong. Like, exactly. Yeah, so that's why in my head when it's like something that does go wrong. It's like, or I've hurt somebody and you whether you can intentionally or unintentionally, I automatically thing.
To myself, like, this is my fault. I mean, I, that's why it's like, I don't have that right to say that I didn't hurt you when you felt differently. I mean, like, when we had the whole argument, you know, fucking a couple. I don't know. I'm just way back when, you know what I mean? Like at 8 and we both interpreted the sides of the story isn't. What I didn't do that. I didn't hurt you this way. I didn't think about it that way. It wasn't until we started saying, this is how you made me feel, and this is why I reacted the way I did and it was like we were able to understand like. That's why it happened, the way it did, and I was going to say will call him.
We'll call him.
Okay, like how he would tell me, you know, like what like you's always have an attitude. Like you're just always being rude to me and I'm like, no, I'm not like myself in a situation which I am in a sense, you know, because I'm like, well, this is how I always am in like you're just kind of like whatever but we're so used to like the way that we talk to each other and handle each other in the way that we are with each other in like our family, you know, they mean that like really cool. This is normal. You didn't mean like this is just normal to me. Marty is Marty is kind of like you have an attitude in like you're being kind of rude and like I don't really want to talk to you right now and I'm like, okay, I don't care but two is it's like
How do we know that they're not looking to start something? Exactly? That's what's so scary about it is, it's like people can tell you. Yeah, you're the bad guy but in some people's cases, they're so sheltered that what they don't deal with the real world. Like we have anything that plays a part in it too. And I think that's why I like we come off. So harsh to each other is because we've been through so much and so much has happened to us that we're just kind of like, this is nothing. Like you think whole time. I'm over here, calling you a whore and your head. I think I was telling we're going to call him AJ and I called you earlier, but I just texting you and you call me hore and I started laughing and he asked me like, you know, what was going on and you know, I don't care. Like I'm open about that and I told him and I was like, oh, yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, like it's fine. Like I that's what we call each other and I think it's just so funny, like with other people's like, sibling dynamics that it's so different. Yeah, like Baltimore Baltimore and her sister, you know what I mean? Ecstasy? Okay, so Voldemort in ecstasies, you know, sibling Dynamic was so strange Voldemort resented me is because she didn't understand, she didn't have that Dynamic growing up, but we've always been close. You know what I mean? It's always been thick as thieves and I seen that might have caused it quick. Backstory it into into, you know, who Voldemort is. And what's going on.
Friend and they moved into an apartment together and then later I moved in and then eventually Voldemort started having issues and and starting problems. And you know, I often. You know, we don't get to play the villain in the end in her story. So like let's try to like me conversate. That's why I was always dragging you into making things better. It wasn't because I wanted you to be the bigger person is because, how do I know that she doesn't made us kind of like you, like it didn't matter.
You know, you think if I I went to you for everything, right? I go to you for everything I confide in you. So that's why I was just wondering about like, where you are always the mediator in the situations. Like, but I was always so like, no, like resistant with it. Like, no? Because deep down, you thought that you think I do. I mean, he tells you things and it's, and you have to listen to that voice. It's so strong. And I think that's might have would have been if it was like, it's pointless this conversation, we've had this conversation is going to pick you up, like maybe there is no point. You know, what it's like three or four times for us to finally realize, like maybe enough is enough yet like big big fight, I mean, and it all stems.
Within the same time period of Amazon, and then my dog, you know what I mean? And then like, you had been there for a couple months already. So it wasn't even that big of a deal. And I would always tell me like, you think it was you cuz I was like, it doesn't make sense. Why would be because I had already been living here. Like what three or four months after Christmas is what I decided to get back, you know what I mean? And that's when it was like, it couldn't have been me because I lived here for so long. And I was never, I mean, I don't personally think so. I was very, like, I want to join. I want to be there. I want to do this with you guys. Why don't you invite me? You know what I mean? Being like a pygmy girl youths, like threatened her. In a sense because I came back and we were barely still getting on good terms. And so she probably had the
Remind. Well, they're probably never even really going to get back to how they used to be because of her relationship with Ecstasy. But I kind of like also, like once something is done. She thinks it's done forever because that's how all the situations with her have played out. Once it's done, it's over and so she probably thought like that's how it's going to be with us, but the only difference is it's the way she thought was with people that she probably really could care to see Leslie and you know, they mean ride with us.
We're family. So it's inevitable to just kind of like Let It Go and you and I I would say kind of melee me. I'm very like, I like to talk about things you do too. But when you and I would get into arguments, I would always be the one to say sorry, first, until I started picking up like a reason. Why I always did that. And here's the thing. You know, me. I like to marinate in my thoughts. I like it fully like think until the point where I realize I'm overthinking. You know what I mean? Like, I like to keep going over and over in my head. Why like, what went wrong? What could have been different? What was said that kind of thing? You know what I mean?
But I always used to tell Jewel cuz he he he I used to do that to him, too. I would never apologize. First. And here's the thing. I would rather.
It did come down to the point where it's like, you apologized and realizes wrong, and then apologize. Then me apologize, first and Delight. I had any connection to pologize for, you know what I mean? I don't know if I want to hear this. Your villain situation.
Can you what can you see it? I can't and you. So I kind of just got that though. Okay. So basically, like I said, me, always apologizing first and whoever is getting in the argument with you is always apologizing before you apologized. And then how you just said basically like whatever like you kind of like want to wait. So apologize. I think that's where your villain didn't come then because
I got to leave my truck here, Okay?
Because you're so used to just kind of like will do whatever. He didn't mean. It's like, whatever. You're so used to everything being whatever and you're so used to just being like, everybody's going to blame me for it. Anyway, you know what? I mean? Like like it doesn't even matter if I say, sorry back. Like I see it in that sent. Ya like you understand the connection and try to make you think I'm wrong. So apologizing isn't going to fix that. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not like an attack on you, but that's where that comes out and it has like a normal to you. Like your usual time. You're not thinking anything of it. But like. Just as long as I can find out. But yeah, I I just I think that I'm more big on. I don't like being made a fool of Nobody Does that. I hope nobody does but
I don't want to apologize and then come to find out that I was the one in the right the whole time and then it's like what the hell that I just apologized like somebody else, apologizing. And then me being like, while I'm sorry that you had to apologize. You know what I mean? Cuz I would rather somebody say I'm sorry you had to apologize. First day is like, I apologize for no reason because not everyone thinks like I do not everyone's going to be like, I'm sorry, you had to come forward and apologize for something. That wasn't your fault. But I'm like, I already know that they're going to think that I'm wrong for this. So why am I? I'm going to play it by ear. And then if I'm wrong, will they already think that I'm wrong? So then I'll just apologize.
I I think, you know, going back to previous conversation up with Voldemort is is I think that she mentally wasn't ready to share. You know what I mean? Like she was so used to getting her way and doing things in her own style that when it came to having to share Thoughts with somebody else and having a third-party contribute to two ideas and said, it kind of like through or off, you know what I mean? Because she's so used to getting her way that in a sentence. She, you know, I'm my apology situation is different where I she is, like, I don't owe anyone an apology even if I'm wrong, kind of mentality and that's where that came in is what it's like when she would always tell us, like there's no point in talking to leave it alone.
Information about me in the situation with Voldemort.
I think with you and I think was you, the thing is, you're very and I've always told you this, you said you live in survival survival mode, where it's like either you're a necessity to me or your dead weight. And I'm letting you go. And once you get to a certain level of stress, you make a decision in your mind where it's like, either this person's going to continue to benefit me and I want to work on it or this person is clearly dragging me down and I don't need them. And I think that you wanted to believe it was a necessity even though she wasn't because she was your best friend that she decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. You were like a phone. That's a relief. I don't care. You know what I mean? Like, you didn't want to carry that dead weight. And so, when it would come to for me, to try to get mediate and get you guys to have a conversation about what was going on and what was wrong.
You were, you were carrying that survival mentality of like, she's dead weight, but in the end, you would do it because it was like, she could be a necessity. So I'll keep her on in like the entire situation and she said, she didn't see a future with us. I think that moment was, when you finally decided to let go, you know what I mean? And then you decided to stop fighting this, that it was. It was what it was, and there was no point to return. And I think that, you know, there was some small, like little like, you know, snaps but not the breaking point like the snaps were like it. Finally broke the first nap. I think I noticed was when she got that new job and we only had two cars and the schedule was completely different. And
You know, you were like, that's kind of inconsiderate that you wouldn't consider the schedule of everyone else. So now everyone's routine has to change because you wanted to not work there anymore. And I think that was the first nap. And I think the second snap was, when you guys went to Texas and you had your panic attack and she was like, oh, she does this all the time. I think that was a genuine. Like it was as close to being a breaking point, but it was like a very strong like a snack. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was like, she didn't defend you, she didn't come for you. She knew you didn't act like this. She clearly could tell something was wrong, but she would rather be liked by everyone then be loyal. And I think another snap was the biggest snap of all the Dalian, you know what I mean? When she would mistreat him and she was like, well, he's always bothering me and he's always in the way and I'm like, growing your dad down is my dog.
German Shepherd, Golden Retriever 10 months, 9 months, actually.
I think he's 9 months.
Yeah, nine months. Not even though he's cute. He's super. He's do for you because if you could. Yeah, but when it frustrated me, when she did that, took her doggies to stick her tongue. Everybody's mouth and her dog is very invasive. Her. Yes, and I was just telling
Auntie about that because I heard this conversation, you were in the bathroom run, we living that you. Are you talking about her dog? And how how she would mistreat Dalian? And that's kind of like just the gist of the conversation that I heard. He's that I've basically the conversation was just kind of like
I was talking about it last night. I don't know. It's basically that it was kind of unfair because
You know, Diane was so used to Luna, which is her dog, which is one of my dog's name is, she was so used to her. He was so used to her and he, he loved her. And he was always up her, which is basically like a betrayal of me as a person because I love to spend time with Voldemort and I like wanted to be like, like let's do this. She don't know a lot know, you know. Yeah, I think in a lot of sense is like we are the dog and then I was just I would take kind of irritated because it was Voldemort. Let's Luna kind of like walk around and do what she wants and treat died in the way that she wants and get away with it. And I'm just supposed to sit there and let it happen. You know what I mean? It and like, I don't like that. Like I can appreciate that. And like I think that's where his sense of kind of like well now he's really alone. You know what I mean? Like he wanted this friend and I think that's also part of why he like is so like
Same against other dogs, cuz he's scared. They're going to lead, I feel like that. And there's dogs who cry and I mean, they get scared and anxious and stuff like that. And I think that's like that's so funny that you say that, but like, when I'm always out, like, he's, like throwing his body against me and like, I got you, Mom. I got you, you can ride to the other dogs and he's like, he's scared like to let the other dogs come closer because like, you look what if they hurt her. You didn't mean like I'm here I'm here and I think it has a lot to do with Voldemort as well.
Because your dog is so like little because what you just said with.
Like you're scared. Like she scared of people getting close to you and it's because the last person you like close to hurt you. I was hurt. Especially his breeds. Yeah, I know. So are you like, not aggressive? But very like playfully aggressive? Because he's the last person that you would because like, with Marty, you know what I mean? Whenever you come over if you cuz the last person that you went that close to you hurt you and he said that
It matter the gender. It doesn't matter the race. He's he's like the last person that got close to her left her and see. No, I think he senses. That's why he was very like, you know, cuz you knew you would always tell me, you know, Marty would tell you like, I do, you know, darling did this to me jumping on me. I need to see me away from you. I don't like, he would always like, always just like walk right next to me like when Marty was around and like, sit on me and throw himself against me and just kind of, like, look up at Marty and I would tell him like, he's protecting me for texting me. But like, I didn't snap until now, and I think that's what it might be is. It's genuinely, like he is scared of other people hurting you, and I think he's picked up that I'm not going anywhere though. There's something he loves you, too.
I spoiled him since he was a pup. You know what I mean? I've been around him just as long as you have and and been around, literally, as long as he's been almost alive. So naturally, and I think he picked up on it when World War was around. Because eventually ruled the Baltimore, stop coming around. And even when she was living here. She wasn't out, you know what I mean? And he kind of looks like, you know, the owner trust her. So I'm going to trust her and I want to still try to get her to love me, and I always had that fear. Like if I left him here like a loan with her like what she did to him and if she hit him seriously, like I would really worry about that because like when you and your homegirl came over and and we'll do it was like, oh take your dog take him to cry like since then was when I think I was like really on guard about it cuz I was like, why would she say that? I like. What do you mean? Like, who cares likes? Cuz I would never hurt Luna.
I would never hurt Luna, like and and Ali is such a big dog and such a big boy, that sometimes I do have to kind of like smack him back to look at your freaking mother. Like I'm. So I'm literally you, you don't even like social out and so like, but I would never like I would never beat him. I've hurt her dog acts, like she was in a lot of it was me, Luna, and I would never, like, led by the dying, like, dying. Stopped me and, like, little pests in, like, you like a little, like brotherly kind of love your eyes and look like the baby. He was a baby. Like, I think she's raised around all those little snippy dog's butt.
I don't know why. I just said that's crazy. That you say that I didn't even like really think about it. Until you said that that basically like he's just kind of like guarding that's kind of sad. If you think about it, that he has to do like that. He has to be like that. I like he's kind of train to kind of like pick up on me and I seen that with you and you walk the dogs and stuff when I sit down and I'm like on my phone and I know sometimes I like to just sit there and he'll like laying next to me. He liked to see the person coming. He likes gets up and then he kind of just like watches and yeah, he doesn't like older guys. Yeah, I noticed that.
There was some creepy dude standing over there by that Big Pine Tree over on the other side and he just got done working in like one in charge at him. I would pick you up when you do that for everything. He does not with dogs and he's gotten bad with the dog situation. Can we keep him in the house? Like I say, once he gets around other dogs. He's not like fighting them or anything like that, but he's some for like, let me get a feel for you first. Let me see people. It's like rare and like I know kids probably think that like he barks at them through the window, but that's because he can't really see who it is.
Yeah, I just think that that's what that's crazy. I think it's a good point that you pointed out. Yeah, you start with her parents and escalated to our life. So next question.
Do you have a hard time? Getting honest. Critique to someone. You love? Ya?
Yeah, I do. I sing in this is it's personal. Personal speaking.
It depends on what it is. Like if it's for your self-confidence, I could never tear down like if it's something that you feel confident and you feel comfortable, feel like seeing anyone.
The ones wearing like a dress that they think it might be love is something they feel confident a few beautiful in but I think that the color of it it just doesn't suit them. I mean so like say like their color is purple, but they painted orange dress and I don't like I can see that it's making them happy. So I'm Amy. I'm like, you know what, like it's not my dress. They feel good. Like I don't feel good. It is what it is like to be able to tell somebody like, that doesn't look good on. You wear as like, if it's things like life things. Like, should I leave my man? If he's doing me wrong? Yes, like I don't have a hard time getting up. Yeah, you know who I was.
I'm I've always viewed myself as a very open person. She would have to though. That's why that's why I like, I was confused. Why it lasted so long with Voldemort when he cuz I don't feel like you saw anything wrong with it. I feel like I Had My Moments where I'm like, I don't know if I really like there's certain things that she does that. I don't like fake names, everybody else except for moms.
I'm almost certain things that she would do that would bother me. That would take off a red flag. But again, it's one of those things where I saw how happy you were when you were here.
That it was like God. I don't want to be the one to ruin that. You know what I mean? I don't want to be the one to say like a lady.
When it came to the present situation, did you get anything from that? I'd be honest. Be honest with Dad and maybe when you, when you like had to go get the presents from her did and I was very much. I swear to God on Mom. Okay, I knew deep down that she was doing it at a Mal intent, but I tend to also try to see the good in people first before I'm like, you know confirm it at least a like if you think that all did you know how it was going to react? Oh, I knew and I told her before she even she asked me if it would be okay for her to buy, you know, Dad and baby. A gift. And I told her, this is straight from the, you know, like, memory in. This is Verbatim what I said. I said, it is your money and you can do what you want. And if she doesn't like it, that's
Between you and Janaya and that's on her and that's whatever it be. If y'all got going on that we all need to have wanted her to think, like maybe I should maybe I should do this, right? So when she call me, she's like I got you know, she sent me pictures of stuff that she wanted to get, you know, Dad and baby. And I was like, yeah, I do. So like, you know, this baby don't need, you know what I mean? That kind of thing cuz you know, the kid had way too many goddamn action figure, you know, play a part in that but that's only because she'd already made up her mind. You know what I mean? She was going to go through with this. So in my head, it was like why I don't want to be the fake with it. If you would have said no.
You think she would have even went through with it? You know what? I feel like she wouldn't have if you would. Like if I just defended at least said, no, then she would have been like okay. OK. Google would have gone behind our backs and give it to him. Anyways, find a way because she talks to Jules the blanket that she got him. Is that he hasn't used it. Now. It's just sitting there and it bothers me every single time. I see it. That's fine. Excuse like my behavior in any way, but not like I asked, you is everytime two, though.
If you think I was in the wrong for like how I felt my answer is always going to be, no know, I've always because I feel like everybody else that has made me feel bad about it. And like I'm not budging on it. You made me upset because of the way that it went. Right? Right, and I'm not like I was upset with you because like, you are you being you like? I know you and I know that you easily would have said no, but like I think there was a part of you that was kind of like this isn't about her. You know what I mean? And that was kind of like and that's why everybody is like tiny. Like it's not about you and I'm like, I get it. But the way that it happened is what upset me the most because we are not friends, right? So then why do you feel the need to continue to come into my family's life where I live? So like, I don't know. I like obviously like Mom and Auntie don't think I'm in the wrong because like
But they know like they haven't met her and moms have that kind of like oh and she would tell me like in the beginning like and I didn't see it. And I think the way that I do see it now is like in the beginning. She like I don't think it's a good idea that you move in with Baltimore and she was super like pushy on that. And you know what? Dad was a loser but I didn't see it and it's cuz I was like, I just want to go get it. If it's right there and her being a mom and her having that, like, Mom intuition, like no, like, hold on, like I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't do it right away. Like just wait, like why don't you just find someone else to tell me? Like a good idea that you moved and I just didn't see it.
It was just super kind of like.
And I think that's where that question. Kind of like, is it what how did it go?
Do you have a hard time? Giving honest critique to someone you love? I think that like that goes for a lot of people.
Right, I mean cuz instead of her mom just telling me how it was like she was kind of like trying to kind of beat around the bush with it. Like today. I like I don't think this is a good idea.
And I hate that goes with Dad to, You know, despite him being literally, an emotional as robot. He would always tell me you never moved in with friends. You never know who they really are, until you live with them. And I was like, I know I got it like, but you know how she is. She's going to do what she wants. And if she wants to do this, then like, you know, like I told you, I got your back and I'm always there to validate your emotions and then how you feel. So, but he would always, you know, even after you come down here, and I was still living with him. He was like, no, I don't know. I got a bad feeling about this, like, I don't, I don't think she should have moved in with her, like something bad could happen. Like, I don't know. And I don't know if it was him doing, but I feel like it just seems like evil eyes when you wish bad upon somebody and you manifested that, it becomes true.
but I honestly, with a whole present situation, I
I think the reason I didn't say no was because I wanted her to make the conscious decision to say no for herself because I didn't want to be the one to be like me, like it's been like, oh, you don't think it's a good idea. You know, what kind of City she was like? Do you think today is going to be? Mad is what she asked me and I told her if you have to ask that question then probably yes. Yeah, and I was like, but that's one that came out. Like you said, it's not about her. It's about dad. You know what I mean is about baby and Dad. So at the end of the day like if it bothers her
She better not say nothing in front of them, you know, wait until we get home to have that decision, but you could tell that I read your doctor, but it's like I wasn't I wasn't trying to hide it though. It made me upset and that you wanted people to be aware that you were upset, but it was like,
I think it fell off of Morrow of jewels Behavior. You know what I mean? It wasn't because you were like why I want you to know. It may be that it was more of Jules was teasing you. If you knew the situation, he knew what was happening and he wanted to make you mad, you know, how Brothers do and he wanted to spite you and you were like, well, yeah, it's B me yam, irritated. And it wasn't because you were like I said, you didn't want to prove anything. It was just more of like you wanted to confirm. Yes. This irritated you. And I think that's what further irritated you. You knew he even knew. He knew that. And for him to continue to Badger and to into you, no kind of agitate the situation. It was unnecessary and you know, that's a whole other conversation for another day, but
I think that.
Do you think? Okay. So, for this question now that we have with Wildomar, do you think, like, for me, do you think that it's hard for me and the beginning? I think it was.
Because when Neil going back home and back a long time ago, when we were talking about this was with the whole job thing, when she got her new job. You were telling me, you know, that it irritates. Did you? And that that it was inconvenient. Inconsiderate, yet? You couldn't find it in you to tell her that I like flat-out. Like, saying you because you wanted to be happy for her, you wanted to support her as as your best friend, getting a new job and and that kind of thing.
I think that's what really like that question. I could answer. Yes for for you in the beginning, but towards the end when you know, you would reach the volume Point, not yet your breaking point, but you're boiling point you started getting like snippy. I mean not really like I don't think you should do that. I don't think it's a good idea. Why are you doing that? I mean like it was more like you wanted her again. You wanted her to know that you were irritated with out how right saying and so yeah, I think in the beginning which was the end you kind of
Matunuck managed to just kind of be like, you know what, it doesn't matter. Like I'm going to tell her the truth, whether it hurts your feelings or not.
I think with you with this question, it's it's interesting because
You always seem to say the first thing on your mind. You're not really shy about and your face. I swear, I'd like I said, that you're not making facial expressions, and I'm like, nothing your face clearly. Something's wrong with you. You being you. And so, you know, when you, you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but because of your face, I feel like it, give everything away, that people are like, what? What? You don't like it.
I just can't like I didn't say that your face did.
You just do want to talk about it. And she was just like she was like, I guess I didn't see why, that's how you are, and that's how she is.
I I'm in opposite, I tend to add some fluctuation to my toe. And you know what? I talk like, I'm very startled out of here and I go all the way down here. It's just doing the thing and I think with you, the reason why you keep so monotone is because you know, that your face already gives you away that when you speak your tongue, gives you away as well. And that's why you can't tend to keep it very flat. Very like give me like if you think a girl's eyebrows are ugly and you haven't even talked to her and she comes up to you and talk to you in front of high high in the face or like you're like. So you already know that the longer she talks to you the more you're going to give yourself away. So that's why you tend to keep that very like short. Yeah, sure to tell me that you bring that specific.
She came down with her eyebrows, like slapped on her face, like, like, you know, those slick gel eyebrows like this. And she was with her friend and her friends make it was kind and I will, and I looked at Angelina and I was like
And then I just kind of like look back at her and then I was like and I just didn't want to make eye contact with either that I hope you know that I am watching you looking at my friend and then like looking back at the girls with the makeup and then kind of just like you ain't going to tell you that she should have walked out the house. Whenever you always say that to, why do you let me walk out the house? Looking like that, with your my eyebrows like that? Yeah, cuz it would like my thing. I didn't know anything about makeup bag in the hell. Do you know what I mean? Like, a picture of eyebrows were like thicker than an eraser on her face? Like I couldn't I was like, I wouldn't be friends with with Hunger over here with a decent makeup because she's sitting here, lying home girl by her eyebrows thinking that they look good. I mean,
Absolutely, not like could never. And like, I think that's why the girls to like, I don't know if I tell you, but like at work talking like you would tell me the open. Like I said, you're very blunt with things. You're very up to the point. You don't beat around the bush. It's like I said, what I said. And if you don't like it, then, oh well, but you tend to try to do it without it being very problematic, meow, or Bitchie.
Hey guys, so this episode was a lot longer than we intended, but we will be back with a part 2 with the rest of the conversation. Still going to be deep questions are going to be a lot of crazy long cannons. So look forward and play support the podcast. Thanks.
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the intro is way to long but good episode still skip till 5:30·4 likes·
I find these weekly podcasts to be super inspirational, they seem to always motivate me to look at my purpose. Matt not only brings in his personal life experiences but he delivers them in such a way that they are relatable.2 months ago·8 likes·
@Mario This podcast is super fun to listen to and motivating, keep those new episodes going·2 likes·
Packed with purpose! These short bites of knowledge and wonder will give you inspiration to stay on your mission, build consistency, and serve others with all your heart!2 months ago·9 likes·
10:30 --> 20:00 amazing bit·4 likes·
Insightful and timely. Heartfelt words of personal and intuitive wisdom. Matt speaks directly from his heart about life wisdom’s coming from experience and deep thought. I love it. Victoria Mcknight2 months ago·5 likes·